English College

Read the following sentence, which needs revising, editing, and proofreading:

Glass Beach in California is just so amazing instead of sand the beach is made of bits of broken glass that has been smooth and polished in all sorts of colors by waves.

Which revision below is most effective?


California’s Glass Beach is named for the glass that makes up the beach. The glass, in all sorts of colors, is smoothed and polished, by waves. Amazing!


California’s Glass Beach is an amazing place to visit. The beach there isn’t sand, but colorful bits of glass that have been polished smooth by tumbling waves.


Glass Beach in California is just so amazing! Instead of sand the beach is made of bits of broken glass in all sorts of colors that has been smooth and polished by waves.


Glass Beach in California is amazing. The beach is made of broken glass. There is no sand, only glass. Waves have smoothed and polished the glass. The glass is found in many colors.

Answers

Answer 1

Revising, editing, and proofreading are essential steps in writing. By paying close attention to sentence structure, word choice, and punctuation, we can improve our writing and make it more effective and engaging for our readers.

Of the four options given, the most effective revision for the sentence would be the second one: "California’s Glass Beach is an amazing place to visit. The beach there isn’t sand, but colorful bits of glass that have been polished smooth by tumbling waves." This revision is concise, clear, and captures the essence of the original sentence.

When we read the original sentence, we can see that it needs revising, editing, and proofreading. The first thing that needs fixing is the use of "just so amazing." This phrase is not descriptive enough and lacks detail. Therefore, it needs to be rephrased. Additionally, the sentence is too long and wordy, which makes it difficult to read and understand.

The second option is the most effective revision because it conveys the message clearly and concisely. It starts by introducing the beach's name, which is Glass Beach. Then, it provides more detail about what makes the beach unique: the colorful bits of glass that have been polished smooth by the waves.

The use of the word "tumbling" adds imagery and depth to the description, making it more interesting to read. Finally, the sentence ends with an exclamation mark, which adds excitement and enthusiasm to the sentence.

In conclusion, revising, editing, and proofreading are essential steps in writing. By paying close attention to sentence structure, word choice, and punctuation, we can improve our writing and make it more effective and engaging for our readers.

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